At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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