I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
