That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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