respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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