Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
