no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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