He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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