Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
