im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
