I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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