You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
