sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
The police scanner is talking about you again....
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
