I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize