best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
