Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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