Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
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