That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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