i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
