I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
