when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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