hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
