i need an iv and a liver transplant
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
