So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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