There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
