so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize