Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
