Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
