My friends, they love my intelligence
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
