you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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