Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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