Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Someone came in the potted fern
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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