you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It's shark week go big or go home
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
