He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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