If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
