I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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