Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
