some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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