the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
