how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
