Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
