is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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