i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
