so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
