I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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