seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
