you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
