Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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