You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize