First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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