Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
