you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
