I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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