Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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