Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
