I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
BRING THE BAGELS
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
How naked do you want me to be?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
