I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
