hell yes lets make some ravioli
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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