I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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