Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
