I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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