You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Randomize
