Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
