Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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