Where did you get a picture of my penis
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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